Productivity Shmoductivity
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It's taking time to undo the thought patterns that have me believing that that my self worth is directly linked to my productivity.
Before my ADHD diagnosis, I constantly had the feeling that I wasn't keeping up with those around me or doing "enough" when it came to work.
Although my diagnosis was reassuring and gave me a clearer understanding to so many things in my life, it didn't instantly take away those deep rooted feelings.
Overworking & burnout aren't ADHD diagnostic traits, but my ADHD has impacted my relationship with work. I’ve chatted to many people with ADHD who also find themself in a constant battle with work, riding a wave of productivity before crashing into burnout.
Having a deep rooted belief that I'm not ever doing "enough" means I often ignore or I don’t look out for signs of burnout. I’m not often going to get that little cue in the back of my mind that says,
“Hey Zo, it’s been 3 days now you’ve stayed up past midnight and worked for 12 hours - I think you need a day with less work and more sleep.”
ADHD vs Productivity
Inattentiveness
The inattentive side of my ADHD can often set me up for burn out.
I don’t notice the warning signs that come before the burnout. I struggle to measure my attention across multiple tasks, and instead tend to pour hours of hyper-focused energy into work. That leaves me with an empty tank which I ignore in order to get everything else done.
Hyperactivity
I also have a lot of hyperactivity, and a lot of it is internalised. Internalised hyperactivity for me is better described as restlessness. This causes me to not stop, take a moment. Breathe.
Restlessness makes practicing mindfulness a lot harder, which means I’m missing out on moments of self assessment. Like the realisation I’m working furiously at 3am or agreeing to another commitment when I’m already overloaded!
The Burnout Cycle
I used overworking & burnout as "proof" that I wasn’t lazy. I wore my burnout with pride, almost as though it was saying,
“See? I worked too hard again. You can’t burn out if you’re a lazy person! See how I’m not lazy? Do you see that I’m definitely not a lazy person??”
Time and time again, I’d find myself overworking and it was never too long after pushing myself to my limits that I crashed. In the past, I’d usually find ways to get out of burnout as quickly as possible so I could get back to being ‘productive’ again.
This lead me to a Burnout Cycle.
Work
↓
Work too hard
↓
Crash & burn
↓
Repeat
The cycle never stopped and the crashes hit me harder each time. Eventually the crashes came sooner, and lasted longer. It wasn’t sustainable and no amount of burnout tips or adhd productivity #hacks could help.
Mindset Shift
It took a while to learn that no amount of tips are going to help if I'm still believing I get my self worth from being productive. Honestly it’s a lesson I’m still on a journey of learning.
Instead of focusing on #adhdhacks, tips for work life balance etc, during burnout - I shift my focus to working on my self esteem.
My brain hates it. Building up my self esteem isn’t something that comes easily to me, and patience is another struggle I’m working on alongside this. I thought I'd share the new beliefs I have on productivity and how I’m learning to trust them.
My New Thoughts on Productivity
1. I have value outside of my work, not because of it.
I’m finding value outside of productivity and work by,
Scheduling time for hobbies & the things I love
Making time for these things is teaching me that these things are valuable and that they’re just as important as the work time I schedule. They’re also helping me discover who I am outside of work.Spending more time with people who have healthy work/life boundaries
I find it easier to reinforce positive messages when others are doing it around me too. This has meant putting some healthy boundaries in place with people who only talk about work, how stressful work is, how busy they are etc.Learning more about who I am outside of work.
I found taking a strengths test & values test helpful. I have both of them linked - and they’re both free!
2. I don’t need to reach burnout to signal to others (or myself) that I’m not lazy.
I'm working on correcting my self talk & way I talk to others consciously eliminating the words "busy" & "productive" from my conversations whenever I can. This is SO hard! But it’s a practice, and I do it knowing that over time it’ll get easier to do and that it’ll make a difference.
3. I don't need to overwork as a way of 'redeeming" myself. There is no invisible debt I need to pay for simply having ADHD.
I’m learning to not to compare myself to others. Instead I focus on,
practicing gratitude
celebrating others for their successes
celebrating my wins as often as I can
I’m also setting boundaries with work (and learning to set boundaries in general!) as well as calling out my negative self-talk. Whether it’s inside my mind or when talking with others, I’m making a real effort to openly correct it and call it out!
All of this is a work in progress!
I'm so thankful for the day to day support I receive from those in my membership. We're working on this stuff side by side, and many post-session chats after body doubling help with feeling less alone.
It may not be easy to shift a mindset and deep rooted negative beliefs, but it’s less scary navigating it with friends doing the same!