A cartoon version of Zoe sits at a desk on her laptop. She has blonde hair and a green top of and with only black dots for eyes, she stares blankly ahead. On the desk is a laptop and a white cat that Zoe has her hand on. This picture is inside a battery that has a single red bar. The title says Productivity Shmoductivity. All artwork of people and cats that are posted here and on my Instagram have been made on commission from Instagram account @teabag.cartoon

 

Productivity Shmoductivity

It's taking time to trust that my self worth is not based on my productivity.

Before my ADHD diagnosis, I constantly had the feeling that I wasn't keeping up with those around me or doing "enough" when it came to work. Although my diagnosis was reassuring and gave me a clearer understanding to so many things in my life, it didn't instantly take away those deep rooted feelings.

Overworking & burnout aren't ADHD diagnostic traits, but my ADHD has impacted my relationship with work. I’ve chatted to many people with ADHD who also find themself in a constant battle with work, riding a wave of productivity before crashing into burnout.

Having a deep rooted belief that I'm not ever doing "enough" means I often ignore or I don’t look out for signs of burnout. I’m not often going to get that little cue in the back of my mind that says, “Hey Zo, it’s been 3 days now you’ve stayed up past midnight and worked for 12 hours - I think you need a day with less work and more sleep.”

My inattentiveness can cause me to not pick up subtleties at the best of times.

  • I may not notice my house getting messier as I pour more hours into work

  • I may not notice I haven’t seen my friends in weeks.

  • I may not notice how truly tired I really am.

I also have a lot of hyperactivity, which internalised is better described as restlessness. This causes me to not stop, take a moment. Breathe.

Restlessness makes practicing mindfulness a lot harder, which means I’m missing out on moments of self assessment. Like… the realisation I’m working furiously at 3am or agreeing to another commitment when I’m already overloaded!

I use overworking & burnout as "proof" that I'm not lazy. I throw around the word ‘busy’ and wear busyness as a status symbol.

Time and time again, I’ll find myself overworking and it’s never too long after pushing myself to my limits that I crash. In the past, I’d usually find ways to get out of burnout with my motivation being to get back to work as soon as possible. But it’s not healthy for me.

So instead of focusing on #adhdhacks, tips for work life balance etc, during this latest burnout - I’ve only been working on my self esteem. My brain hates it. But I forced myself to not post for almost a month and to not be tempted to follow tips for how to return to work. Because at the end of the day, the tips aren't sticking whilst I'm still believing I get my self worth from being productive.

It's not a quick process, and patience is also a skill I'm trying to learn alongside this new way of approaching productivity. I thought I'd share the things helping me at the moment and the new beliefs I'm trying to learn.

 
 

I have value outside of my work, not because of it.

How am I finding value outside of work?

  • Scheduling time for hobbies, trying new things, doing things I enjoy doing. Making the time is teaching me that these things are valuable and just as important as work

  • Spending more time with people who can help reinforce this. This means putting some healthy boundaries in place with people who only talk about work, how stressful work is etc.

  • Learning more about who I am outside of work.

I found taking a strengths test & values test helpful. I have both of them linked on my resources page - and they’re both free!

 
 

I don’t need a big outward gesture like reaching burnout to signal to others (or myself) that I’m not lazy.

  • I'm working on correcting my self talk & talk to others to eliminate the words "busy" & "productive".

  • Therapy is helping with this - I’m looking at people pleasing and self worth.

 
 

I don't need to overwork as a way of 'redeeming" myself. There is no invisible debt I need to pay for simply having ADHD.

I’m learning not to compare myself to others and instead focusing on

  • practicing gratitude

  • celebrating others for their successes

  • celebrating my wins as often as I can

I’m also setting boundaries with work (and learning to set boundaries in general!) as well as calling out my negative self talk. Whether it’s inside my mind or when talking with others, I’m making a real effort to openly correct it and call it out!

 

A cartoon version of Zoe is rollerskating in black rollerskates. She wears a red and pink dress and red hair bow. Her long blonde hair is blowing in the wind and she is smiling as she skates. All artwork has been made on commission from Instagram account @teabag.cartoon

 


It's a work in progress! I'm so thankful for the day to day support from those in my membership. We're working on this stuff side by side and even though it's not easy, it's been far less scary to navigate with friends!